Meet the Paloozians...
Founder and Paloozian Webmaster, Craig "Smalls" Jacobin of Laguna Niguel, CA. Smalls invented Colopalooza as a way for he and his
cube-dwelling buddies to fight off the painful gravity of the aging process as long as possible. So far, it's barely working but at least we
have something to look forward to each year. With Colopalooza XX slated to the city where it all started in 2015, Smalls is already busy
planning every last detail of what should be an epic trip. Needless to say, participating Paloozians can look forward to Jackosports bills
for $8,453 to arrive in the mail shortly. Sure, he knows the economy is still in the crapper, but what's a few grand between friends?
Founder and Secretary of the Freaky, Sean Kahr "Wreck" of Irvine, CA. Also one of the original founders, Wreck is responsible for
countless classic moments in Colopalooza history. His imitation of a fisherman about to be eaten by a bear, unique taste for saliva-laced
fajitas and penchant for shocking all with his disturbing chest fur over the years have been enjoyed by Paloozians young and old. This
upcoming year, we fully expect Wreck to take center stage and re-live some unforgettable moments (believe me, we've tried) for
Colopalooza's past. Who knows, maybe we'll even talk him into sprinting Folsom Field again.
Founder and Secretary of the Inferior Interior, Dean "Dinky" Olson of Denver, CO. Dinky is the original host of Colopalooza and also
one of the original founders (although he has shamed his founder status recently by skipping our non-Denver trips). His spacious
apartments served us well during the early years--even though we've had to be extremely quiet most of the time. Dinky's finest
Paloozian moment was the time he stripped down to look disturbingly savior-like and rode the Ralphie statue outside Folsom. In his
soaked jeans, it was pretty obvious to everyone how he'd earned the name "Dinky".
Founder and Secretary of Sleep Deprivation, Al "Big Al" McGough of Irvine, CA. Big Al is the second of the original founders and was
the first Paloozian to have an entire Colopalooza named after him--1999's infamous "Big Al No Stinky". Most years, Al manages to spend
more time asleep than awake, but he actually seems to be getting more alert as he ages (Ritalin is apparently quite effective on adults).
However, if you're interested in seeing what it's like to vacation with a corpse, check out Colopalooza 2004-New Orleans. Al managed to
sleep during all forms of transportation, at every sporting event and even while juggling knives at an LSU tailgate party.
Secretary of Flugel Procurement, Bill "B-Luv" Taylor of Seattle, WA. B-Luv usually enters each Palooza bent on continuing his tradition
of sleeping in bizarre places. Simply put, the dude is a vampire. Unfortunately, the upscale hotel accommodations of recent years have
forced him to really search for discomfort. And for a while he'd found it by not attending Colopalooza at all. But for two of the past
three years, Bill appears to have resigned to comfortable hotel accommodations, having joined us in both Portland and Dallas. A true test
of his Paloozaness could come this year, as we travel back to the cold fall nights of the Colorado Rockies. Don't let us down, B-Luv.
Secretary of the Log Palace, Chris "ClemBox" Clemens of Denver, CO. ClemBox is the most valuable Paloozian (he owns the new Log
Palace, afterall), yet also it's most elusive (known to occasionally schedule out-of-town vacations or anniversaries during Colopalooza
each year). Clemmie is also the anointed rebel in the group, once leading an ill-advised excursion of mindless followers to go sailng, see
Blue Man Group and sip wine in Chicago (my soul bleeds just typing it). His place in the annals of Paloozian history is sealed.
Secretary of Missing Persons, Andy "Big Ange" Lewis of Atlanta, GA. Back in the day, Ange would feign interest in each year's Palooza
but then bow out at the last minute. Now he doesn't even feign interest. "Where have you gone Andy Lewis? A Palooza Nation turns its
lonely eyes to you." Anyhoo...we look forward to the day when Big Ange crawls out from under his rock to realize his important place
within the delicate tapestry of the Palooza brotherhood and finally come home.
Secretary of Zen, Dave "Flavor D" Oskorus of Orange, CA. Flave rocked his only full Colopalooza with perhaps the finest rookie
showing ever. Not only did he provide the perfect mellow counter balance to the freaky brothers (Wreck & Smalls), he also "stepped up
to the plate" by not only devouring a tasty sampling of Rocky Mountain Oysters but also diving into a strip of "tenderized" fajitas. Maybe
some day he'll grace us with a return Paloozian visit but in the meantime, we'll settle for looking back at pictures of him with gomer
teeth. Don't be a stranger, Flave!!
Secretary of Pain & Suffering, Milo "Milando" Chavis of Orange, CA. It took a few years for Milo to join the brotherhood, but he now
ranks 4th in all-time Palooza attendance. Milando's calling card is that he lives to see others in pain. All of his favorite Paloozian
moments involve some sort of collateral body damage. Whether it be a door slamming on Bill's fingers or Sean falling off a cooler onto
his ass, it's all considered good stuff for the dude who once lived off of cup-o-noodles contraband. Just don't ask to see his LA driver's
license--he may just haul off and inflict some of that pain and suffering upon you.
Secretary of Tanning, Chuck "Buck Chuck" O'Connor of Mission Viejo, CA. Chuck made what may be his one and only Paloozian visit
in 2003, when we journeyed to the great city of Chicago--Chuck's quasi-hometown. Chuck's greatest contribution to the Palooza was
clearly his suggestion to visit, "Burritos As Big As Your Head" on Chicago's North Side. We ate these burritos in September 2003 and
I'm pretty sure we're still digesting them to this day.
About The Palooza...
Every fall, a bunch of idiots from around the country spend too much money in order to gather in some exotic locale to
make fun of each other, devour tons of local food, catch sporting events, make fun of each other, and sample a shocking
array of malted beverages...oh, and make fun of each other. Colopalooza is about the joys of being a dude. And long after
we're all too old to do half of the things we've done on these trips over the years, we'll still be able to tell the stories. About
the day Big Al stood up to Cuddles...about Wreck's unique taste for fajitas...about the day we ordered cheese pizza...about
how Dean almost hooked up with Oprah...and about life in the Log Palace. So come on in. Maybe some day you'll get to be
lucky enough to call yourself a "Paloozian".
|Will you have enough stories to tell your grandson?
Secretary of Wife Processing, Jay "Hummer" Devaney of Madrid, Spain. Hummer grew up as a Catholic alter boy.... hmmmmmmm...
within the working class neighborhoods of Philly...hmmmmmmm...which quite frankly explains a lot. Between his...hmmmmmmm...
humming and penchant for ultra low-volume speech patterns, Hummer is perhaps the easiest target to ever join the Paloozian
brotherhood...even more so...hmmmmmmm...than Big Al. Jay hasn't been part of the hilarity of recent years, but we feel the
vibrations...hmmmmmmmm....of him making a comeback soon.
Secretary of Tobacco Products, Ron "Duke" Kahr of Pasadena, CA. Duke was extended an offer to join the Paloozahood shortly after
having 2001 named "The Year Of Duke". As such, the 2001 edition was named "The Ultimate Destruction Of Duke", lifting a phrase
made famous by another esteemed member of the Kahr family. As expected, Dukie proved to be a tremendous addition to the Paloozian
brotherhood. We all hope he'll make another appearance with us in Denver to mark our twentieth adventure.
10. A woman, who quickly became known as "The Folsom Nazi" demands that Dean, Sean and Craig get off of Folsom Field "NOW!!...I SAID NOW!!!".
In retrospect, having us laugh and continue to snap photos of her probably didn't help the situation (2000).
9. Literally seconds after teeing off at hole #1 of Pole Creek golf course, the Paloozians are met by a fierce hailstorm. Luckily, a video camera covering the
event was tucked away without being turned off, so the sound of squealing Paloozians has been captured for future Paloozian generations (2001).
8. Upon spotting a partially eaten piece of fajita steak on Craig's plate, Sean ignores the warnings of high gristle content and finishes the pre-moistened
delicacy himself. It's important to note that Dave decided to follow suit the next year, thus establishing a bizarre meat-swapping tradition (1998).
7. In the waning hours of our LSU tailgating experience, the Paloozians stumble upon a group of about 300 tailgaters gathered under a huge oak tree. The
have assembled 3-4 coolers together and are playing "Spin The Bottle" with the losers being forced to get on the coolers and dance. At one point two women
are working their magic on stage, when our boy Seanie decides to jump up with them and do some sort of running man thing. Needless to say, he loses his
balance and takes a dust beater to the amazement of the crowd (2004).
6. At the end of our first-ever Paloozian Buffs game (vs. Michigan), a massive thunderstorm forces the stunned Paloozians to run for the cover of Dinky's
palatial apartment, just 3 blocks away. Along the route home, Dean decides to take off his shirt and thus earns the nickname "Jesus", which lasts well into
the late 90's, before being replaced by the more popular "Dinky Diggler" (1996).
5. During our first ever visit to SOMA, Sean looks on in absolute shock as two of Dean's female co-workers who happened to be there proceed to kiss and
lick each others' faces. This night also ushered in the Milo/Fleece era that has stuck to this day (2000).
4. Having been put in charge of the day's outdoor mountain activity, ClemBox leads the Paloozians on a mountain biking hell-ride that would never be
forgotten--particularly for Sean, who falls back so far, he can't find his way back. The highlight of the whole sordid affair comes when the rest of the
Paloozians jumped in Clem's truck and track him down, thus bringing him safely back to the Paloozian nest...but not before hitting the gas a couple times to
give him a just a couple more yards to walk. Needless to say, he's not nearly as amused as the rest of us were (1997).
3. As fate would have it, Dean has some friends from Telluride ("Cuddles" and "The Bear") staying with him on the same weekend we are scheduled to
arrive. They are perfect gentlemen the first two nights--gladly offering to sleep on the floor while we recline in the comfort of Dean's luxury couches. But
as they say, third time's the charm. As we lounge in Dinky's pad following a Sunday night Broncos game, "The Bear" busts through the Dean's door and
(shortly after the wave of Jack Daniels nearly paralyzes us) yells "Get the f--- off my bed" at Big Al. He then stumbles his way to the johnny. In literally 23
seconds, we pack and leave Dean's place to stay at a hotel (1996).
2. Upon arriving at Craig's childhood fishing stream in Breckenridge, Craig, Sean and Al are greeted by a 7-8 foot brown bear who is about 20 yards away.
Sean & Craig sprint back to the car, while Al stays to watch the bear run up the mountain. Having driven over 100 miles to get this far, the frightened
Paloozians decide to forge ahead with the fishing --but obviously with eyes and ears open for any return visits. Seizing the heightened sense of fear, Craig
crawls about 50 yards over a ridge in order to get within inches of Sean's unsuspecting ears and unleashes a guttural bear growl. Convinced he's about to be
eaten alive, Sean turns around with eyes widened to the size of softballs. "Be my victim" has never been done better (1996).
1. And the number one Paloozian Moment...following a long day and night of festivities in Boulder, the Paloozians head back to their hotel to commence
what will probably go down as the greatest night in Palooza history. After several hours of smoking cigars, accidentally sparking in-room fires, attempting
to stand on the ceiling, taping Devaney to the balcony railing, admiring Sean's fur, wearing those stupid glasses, watching Al sleep with an arm in the air and
recounting Milo's run-in with the local toughs, we finally make our way to bed at around 5am (2001).
Top Ten Palooza Moments...
Secretary of Crackies, Mark "Tobes" Tobin of Turtle Rock, CA. Mark made the bold step to join the suffering when Palooza ventured to
New Orleans, a town Mark has traveled to often and home to his older brother. Compelled to accept Smalls' invitation after feeling bad
about attempting to hijack his fantasy football team, Tobes spent what equated to roughly 73 months worth of his "allowance" and
promptly went on a hunger strike and moved to China to make up for lost funds.
Secretary of Bare Ass, Gary "Rockin" Oakes of Huntington Beach, CA. After years of hearing tales of our many Paloozian exploits,
Rockin' finally gave in and joined in the hilarity for the 2005 trip to Boston. His first order of business was to expose himself to the
locals and he got that out of the way quickly and unfortunately often. Aghast at the volume of food devoured over the course of the
event and the fact that his lovely bride pretty much had her own Paloozian weekend in his absence, Rockin' has been hesitant to sign up
for another excursion. He'll be back....oh yes...he will be back.
Secretary of Extreme Skiing, Dave "Starsky" Foster of Seattle, WA. After years of listening to ClemBox complain about not having
people he liked included on these trips, we finally relented and allowed him to invite a few friends--one of which was his buddy Dave
from Seattle. The siren call of a weekend in Aspen was all it took and he was a Paloozian for evermore. Dave's most known for having
led the team on a risky stretch of back-bowl skiing during Palooza 2006.
Secretary of Goggle Expansion, Paul "Midnight" Johnston of Denver, CO. Paul is the husband of one of Clem's former co-workers.
Upon hearing of his invitation to Palooza 2006, Paul jumped at the chance to drive to Aspen all night in time to be on the slopes that
Friday morning. Like Dave and Chris, Paul doesn't think twice about descending down any run on any mountain.
Secretary of Midnight Tacos, Mike "Al's Hero" Gaudet of Dallas, TX. Mike abandoned his infant child and showed up on for one night
of our Palooza trip to Dallas. He left a lasting mark by suggesting we partake in a round of midnight tacos al carbon from a shady,
pimp-ridden truck stop. Despite the obvious risk to our lives and intestinal integrity, the tacos were fantastic and will be a must-have if
we ever return to the The Big D. It is rare that someone can be inducted into the brotherhood in just a few short hours, but Mike's in.
Secretary of Legacy Insurance, Ben "The Lemur" Clemens of Boulder, CO. Ben reluctantly spent almost an entire day with the
Paloozians during their recent 20th edition in Colorado, and his fears proved completely justified. With one Paloozian already in the
hospital and the rest of them on the brink of sweaty, painful deaths during a moderate hike near Boulder's flatirons, Ben had to be
wondering how he managed to become the glowing symbol of a new generation of paloozians, sure to blossom in the coming years. But
he sucked it up, had a few beers with us and even donned his first Palooza shirt with pride. Welcome to hell, Ben!
Secretary of Brunch, Leo "The Hitman" Jacobin of Denver, CO. Over the years, Leo has made appearances whenever the Paloozians
have visited their homeland in Colorado. For the most part, it's been brunch in LoDo before a Broncos game or a quick dinner at Benny's
right after one. This year, he broke the seal and joined the Paloozians for beers (and even picked up a round). For this alone, Leo has
finally earned the distinction of being our first honorary Paloozian. Maybe some day he'll set foot in the palooza van and put his life at
risk like the rest of us to become legit. Welcome Leo!!