An Inside Look At The
Twisted Childhood Of
Mr. Jay Devaney
The Man With The Golden Hummmmmm!
Meet Jay Devaney.  Here he is pictured on his native soil--the mean
streets of south Philly, otherwise known as the "City of Brotherly Love"
(but that's an entirely different story).  Much of what we know about Jay
is linked to the long standing heritage of this great town--his blue collar
working mentality, his deep commitment to everything that America
stands for, his acceptance of people of all races, and of course, his
freakish desire to hum his living ass off.  Let's dig a little deeper...
Born into a band of Irish Catholic gypsies living off Broad
Street, Jay survived the bulk of his youth on a steady intake of
Guiness and potatoes (home grown no less, by his Aunt Pattie
Devaney). Soon his love for potatoes became a source of great
pride in this heavily Irish South Philadelphia neighborhood, and
he become known as "Spuds" Devaney throughout the city.
For several years, he refused to eat anything but potatoes.
It didn't take long for the city's news media to embrace the
heart-warming story of Philly's "Potato Boy". He was
brought to Independence Hall to serve as the Grand Master
of the Memorial Day Parade. He served as the Eagles'
mascot during their improbable run to the Super Bowl in
1980.  And he even landed on the cover of "Philadelphia
Today", dressed as a Civil War General signing a mock
potato treaty with a Rebel Officer.  Just like Franklin before
him, he had suddenly become Philadelphia's favorite son.
But alas, to every life must come suffering...and Spuds Devaney
was no different. It seems that the utter lack of protein in his diet
led to the growth of several tumors along his larynx.  Just like that,
his potato-eating days were over. He quickly shifted over to all
bacon--much to the dismay of his brethren. Despite the shift to
bacon, the tumors remained and the pain was becoming unbearable.
He searched for ways to ease his suffering while the Devaneys
searched for ways to cover his mounting medical bills. Finally, at the
tender age of 6, Jay was forced to contribute to the family's welfare.
Eschewing long-standing family traditions of potato farming and
petty theft, Jay embarked on a more lucrative career in firefighting.
Sadly, on his first day in uniform, a historical warehouse burned to
the ground while Jay helplessly sat on his Big Wheel, struggling to
hold on to the powerful fire hose.  He was fired on the spot.
After several unsuccessful attempts to earn his keep, he
finally turned to the church for guidance. It was at Our Lady
Fatima of Guadeloupe A&M that he became Head Alter Boy,
serving there for several years and eating bacon by the
truckload. During a confession with Father Frankie "Lefty"
O'Doul (pictured at left), he realized that whispering made his
throat feel better. And while singing during the Easter pageant,
he discovered that humming did the same. Problem solved!!
From that point forward, Jay committed himself to a
life of low-talking and humming, oh, and bacon-eating.  
Within months, the tumors disappeared and Jay was
happy again, albeit a lot less famous.  That Christmas,
he was treated like the prodigal son and given an Irish
gangsta jacket, as the Devaneys welcomed him back
to a simpler life of potato-farming, petty theft and now
arson.  He eventually went on to college and moved to
the west coast but he never stopped low-talking or
humming--the memories were just too painful.  And
that's the real story of Jay Devaney--the man with the
golden hummmmmmm!