Yes folks, it's show time! Time for the Ryan Nicholas Jacobin
show. Hey Mom and Dad, get ready to feed me all night and
watch me snooze all day. Yeah, that's right. And don't expect
me to do much but cry in return. Mom, I guess I can put up
with your endless stream of "I Love Lucy" rerun...and your
freakish obsession with football, Dad. I can handle that (OK,
maybe not the I Love Lucy part). And Josh and Cade, come on
over. You two fools combined can't double cover me. And to
my crazy sister Zoe and her pals Sydney, Hayley and
Harrison--you dudes are about to meet Fun with a capital F.
That's right, I'm going to be the coolest diaper-clad dude you'll
ever know. I'm ready to hang out with my Ba, and my
Grandma and my Big Al and my Papa and my Berta. And of
course, my great Gramma Crissy (thanks for the cool middle
name). I can't wait to get started. I can't wait to meet
everyone. Hey, I'm finally here--let's have some fun!!
Here I am with Mom getting checked into the hospital
(that's me inside her belly). While Nurse Debbie asked
Mom questions, I did my best to make her uncomfortable
by wiggling around in there. I am such a crack-up.
Why don't we just skip all the gory details and cut to the
beautiful love scene. Here I am having my first snuggle
with Mom. "Nice to meet you lady, you have a swell
expanse of lower intestines. I'll genuinely miss them."
It just figures. I've been waiting 40 weeks to meet this
chick and they pull me away after about 18.3 seconds.
And then they introduce me to--HELLO--mr. anal
thermometer. Hey, nice welcome to the world, people.
For those of you who don't have kids (or who have
conveniently blacked out the first couple of months)--this
shot pretty much captures the first 6 weeks...a screaming
blur. Hey, not my problem. Good luck, Mom & Dad.
I got to spend a couple of hours in the room with Mom
and Dad and then it was off to some other room, where I
got a quick physical. Right here, you can see that I
thought all the rough stuff was over. Time for a nap.
You guessed it--18.3 seconds later and I was back in the
trenches. They poked...they prodded...they pushed...and
they pulled. They gave me an 18.3 second rest and then
they did it all over again. OK, I wanna go home now.
Finally, we got to do some fun stuff. My first bath was a
little startling but I felt a lot better when it was over.
And that sweet baby smell is hard to beat. I noticed
some of the girl babies next to me were checking me out.
And then I got to make my very first mess by standing on
ink and getting it all over some important document they
had. I hope I don't get in trouble for this but it felt good
to let these fools know who was in charge for a change.
And at the end of the day, I just kept
staring at Dad...wondering what great
things life has in store for me. Oh, and
wondering how he somehow grew a beard
since we first met. Tomorrow will be my
first full day on this planet. My sister and
grandmother are coming in the morning.
My new friends will be here around lunch
and then I'll get to see my aunts and
uncles in the afternoon. I can't think of a
better way to kick things off. Thanks for
stopping by. Hope to meet you soon.